A New Nephew

Hi! I'm Tanner, Jenelle's newest nephew. I was born around five this morning IN A CAR!!! For real! I'm so speedy, my mommy didn't have a chance to make the five or so miles to the hospital. Mommy and Daddy only made it a few miles from our house when they had to pull over. I was born within seconds after they stopped with the cold wind blowing in my face. It was quite a shock!

What is even more of a shock is that this is not the first time my mommy couldn't make it to the hospital! How many woman do you know that haven't made it to the hospital to have their babies? Not many, right? My mommy has had two of her four babies in places other than a hospital room! I was born in a car, and my older brother, Tristan, was born in the bathroom!!!! My mommy has babies faster than anyone I know! She should be in the Guinness Book of World Records for fastest deliveries. This is my brother Tristan, the bathroom baby, holding me. We're going to be track stars someday.

Here's my mommy, Jessica, a.k.a. The Amazing Slippery Vagina Woman. She doesn't look like she just had a baby in a car does she? This woman is made to have babies. She doesn't get morning sickness, she only looks 5 months pregnant when she's actually due any day, and she pops out 8 pound babies in minutes without feeling any contractions until it's almost time for the baby to come.

Check this out--I'm not sure what I've signed up for--I have two older brothers and one older sister! They better help Mommy take care of me.

My brother, Justin, sure thinks I'm sweet. He doesn't realize that he's not the baby anymore. Heh, heh, heh.

This world sure is noisy! I am only a few hours old, and I have already gotten a taste of what life is going to be like at my house. My brothers were running all over the hospital like nuts playing with some balloons.

I'm not sure what my crazy cousin Colter was up to--why was he crawling all over the floor?

He only let his mommy, Jenelle, my favorite aunt, hold me for a few minutes. Then he started whining and said, "Put that baby down, Mommy!" Darn it. I wanted her to keep holding me. She was nice.

At least my sister, Alexis, got to hold me then. She's pretty nice too.

What a day! I need a nap.

Dinosaur Food A.K.A. No Bake Cookies

Are all little boys paleontology experts? During my five-year-old nephew, Tristan's, visit for a sleepover, I was amazed at the dinosaur facts swimming around in that kid's head. He shared all kinds of interesting prehistoric tidbits, so many that I pulled out my trusty dinosaur encyclopedia (yes, I really have one of those) to check his facts. The child is a dinosaur prodigy! He can't even read yet, but he knows all about creatures I've never heard of like maiasauras and borogovias (those are dinosaurs by the way).At one point, while Colter and Tristan were playing blocks, Tristan started working on a detailed structure using Colter's big cardboard brick blocks. He kept saying it was a papasaurus. I thought he meant he was making a daddy dinosaur, a papa-saurus, and he would make a mama-saurus as well. Soon, it was obvious that the block sculpture was one of those squatty armored dinosaurs that look like grumpy, spiky turtles with a flail for a tail. Sure enough, on page 150 of Dinosaurs A to Z: The Ultimate Dinosaur Encyclopedia, I found an entry for the PAWPAWSAURUS with a picture that looked amazingly like Tristan's creation. My nephew is a genius! Unfortunately, Colter knocked down the poor dino before I could take a picture, but it was quite impressive.

Since Tristan loves dinosaurs so much, I decided we should make some dinosaur food!

DINOSAUR FOOD

2 cups crushed bones (sugar)

1/2 cup dirt (cocoa)

4 tablespoons of brontosaurus blubber (butter)

1/2 cup swamp water (milk)

1/2 cup squashed bugs (peanut butter)

1 teaspoon oil (vanilla)

3 cups of dried dinosaur grass (oatmeal)

Place the crushed bones, dirt, blubber, and swamp water in a saucepan. Bring to boil, stirring mixture continuously. Add rest of ingredients. Stir well and remove from heat. Drop by teaspoonful onto wax paper. Let cool and harden.

Tristan and Colter had a ball making the food, but my picky nephew (who asked me to leave the room while I was eating a salad because he could smell the tomatoes) turned up his nose when it came time to eat them. Apparently, he doesn't like dried grass with his squashed bugs. The rest of us enjoyed them though!