Once upon a time there was a woman who wanted to lose 20 pounds in 2 weeks. She wanted to lose said 20 pounds while eating ice cream and lounging in her fuzzy pink robe, but the woman was told that her dreams were idiotic and that she needed to count calories, quit considering dessert the most important food group, and begin an exercise regime that involved sweat. The woman did not think diet and exercise sounded very awesome. She did not want to eat vegetables unless they were chocolate-covered, and she did not want to exercise unless she could do it while she was sleeping. The woman brainstormed some ideas on how to lose 20 pounds fast and came up with:
1. Liposuction
2. Wrap herself in saran wrap to sweat the weight off
3. Spend a few weeks shipwrecked with only water to drink
4. Develop a severe case of stomach flu with a touch of diarrhea
5. Swim across the Atlantic
6. Become a drug addict
7. Chop off her arms
The woman did not think those ideas were very ideal, so instead, she decided to lounge in her fuzzy, pink robe, eat ice cream, and pretend the unwanted 20 pounds disappeared overnight. She was an imaginative woman, so that worked just fine, and she lived happily ever after.
THE END
4 comments:
Oh, that's my kind of weight loss! :)
I have to say the last time I saw you (which has been way too long ago) you did look skinnier - maybe your plan is working :)
If only that would work. I like the part about the chocolate covered veggies. Glad she lived happily ever after!
hmm thought of all of those except #7... you'd think living 40lb babies would count for weightlifting right???
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